he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
