I cannot find my penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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