I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
