just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
