I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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