So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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