Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
