I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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