last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Your dad touched me again.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
