My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
