If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
