I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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