brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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