did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
