Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize