Sry I called you an 8
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
