I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
