why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
