there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
