Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
