It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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