I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
