TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
