areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
