OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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