My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
