I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
