I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
