Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His hands were made for my vagina.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
