Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
