Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
...so i touched it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
