he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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