whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
