we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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