I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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