I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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