tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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