I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
