Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
