I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
