My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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