Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
