tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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