That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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