So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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