I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
