it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
