I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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