girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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