I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
