I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
either way he was missing a nipple.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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