Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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