Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
