so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
