I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
