They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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