i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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