Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
