You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
