I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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