update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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