did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My hand turned me down
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
