the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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