dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
