I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
